A young blonde walks into a bank to borrow $10,000 for a European vacation.
The loan officer asks how she'll secure the loan and she points to a new Ferrari. He accepts the title as collateral and parks the car in their underground parking lot.
Two weeks later the blonde returns, repays the loan and the $10.52 interest, and collects her pink slip for the car.
The loan officer says, "When you left two weeks ago, I checked your credit rating. You're a multi-millionaire heiress. Why would you borrow money for a trip?"
The blonde replies, "Where else can I park a new Ferrari in this city for two weeks for $10.52, and expect it to still be there when I return?"

ROMANCE MATHEMATICS
Smart man + smart woman = romance
Smart man + dumb woman = affair
Dumb man + smart woman = marriage
Dumb man + dumb woman = pregnancy

OFFICE ARITHMETIC
Smart boss + smart employee = profit
Smart boss + dumb employee = production
Dumb boss + smart employee = promotion
Dumb boss + dumb employee = overtime

A Brit, a Frenchman and a Russian are viewing a painting of Adam and Eve frolicking in the Garden of Eden.
"Look at their reserve, their calm," muses the Brit. "They must be British."
"Nonsense," the Frenchman disagrees. "They're naked, and so beautiful. Clearly, they are French."
"No clothes, no shelter," the Russian points out, "they have only an apple to eat, and they're being told this is paradise. They are Russian."

Computers are female
The top six reasons computers must be female:

6. As soon as you have one, a better one is just around the corner.
5. No one but the creator understands the internal logic.
4. Even your smallest mistakes are immediately committed to memory for future reference.
3. The native language used to communicate with other computers is incomprehensible to everyone else.
2. The message "Bad Command or File Name" is about as informative as "If you don't know why I'm mad at you, then I'm certainly not going to tell you".

AND THE NUMBER ONE REASON COMPUTERS ARE FEMALE:
As soon as you make a commitment to one, you find yourself spending half of your paycheck on accessories for it.

You Know It's Your Last Day At Work When…

• You hand a bank teller an envelope, and when she asks, "What's this?", you realize you just dropped the company's deposit in a mailbox.
• A woman comes into the store, you turn to the other salesman and say, "I waited on the last fat ugly old lady. This one's your turn". Your boss is standing behind you. It's his wife.
• While your boss is at lunch, you sneak in and look at some confidential information on his computer. You spill coffee on the keyboard. It shorts out.
• You return from a week's vacation to find that you had scheduled *this* week as vacation, not last week.
• You take a "sick" day. The next morning the boss asks you, "So, how was the fishing on Rock Creek yesterday?".
• You wake up hung over. You have a black eye and barked knuckles. You're in jail. Last night was the company Christmas party.

IBM, the computer giant decided to have some parts manufactured in Japan as a trial project. In the specifications, they set out that they will accept three defective parts per 10,000.
When the delivery came in there was an accompanying letter. "We, Japanese people, had a hard time understanding North American business practices. But the three defective parts per 10,000 have been separately manufactured and have been included in the consignment. Hope this pleases you."

„Doktor, mul on veidi imelik olla...”
„Hmm... jooge see roheline vedelik ära... Nii, kuidas nüüd on?”
„Ohh, täitsa halb hakkas nüüd...”
„Selge: Teil on allergia roheliste vedelike vastu!”

„Halloo, kas turismibüroo?”
„Kuuleme.”
„Kas te Egiptuse reise ka müüte?”
„Jaa.”
„Mis kuurorte pakute?”
„Sharm-el-Sheik, Nuweiba, Hurghada...”
„Hurghada jah, see sobib!”
„Ja millal kavatsete sõita?”
„Ei tea - praegu lahendan ristsõnu...”

Arsti juures: "Tehke nüüd suu hästi lahti ja öelge "P!".

Kihutab mees autoga maanteel 260 km/h. Peagi ilmub põõsastest "fööniga" politseinik ja peab auto kinni: "Kas Teil häbi pole niimoodi kihutada? Esitage sõidudokumendid!"
"Ei saa, need on mul võltsitud!"
"Ahnii! Väljuge masinast!"
"Ei saa, mul on taskud valget pulbrit täis, äkki pillan maha..."
Politseinik taganeb ja võtab kabuurist revolvri: "Tõuske kohe ja tehke pakiruum lahti!"
"Ei saa: seal on laibad, haisevad, kukuvad välja..."
Politseinik helistab K-komandole, need tulevad kiiresti, tirivad mehe autost välja... Samas tõdevad: dokumendid on korras, narkootikume pole, pakiruumis on vaid vajalikud esemed... Üks komandolane küsib autojuhilt: "Aga mis võltsdokumendid, narkootikumid ja laibad?!"
"Kuulge, härrased, see politseinik on peast täitsa soe... Kindlasti ütleb ta nüüd veel, et ma 260 km/h sõitsin!"

- Miksi sinä olet palkannut uudeksi kassanhoitajaksi tuon kaljun ja ontuvan tatuoidun miehen?
- Sitä varten, että hänellä on ihanteelliset tuntomerkit, jos jotakin sattuisi.

 Mu endine töökaaslane (arvutihull ja peaaegu et umbkeelne) kõnnib kesklinnas ja talle tuleb vastu meesterahvas ning küsib vene keeles:
-Izvinite, gde nahoditsa respublikanskii radioklub?
-Lai odin! (raadioklubi asus enne Lai tn. 1) -Lai sam!